When Your World Crumbles
by iiCE-EYES
Summary: Chp5 : Not even Bella could stand me – I knew it. There was nothing else left for me to live for. “I’m sorry,” I breathed before smiling serenely, pressing the sharp edge of the scissors to the pale skin of my wrist. AU : All Human : M to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

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You see all kinds AU fan fictions featuring Bella and Edward. What about the others? I decided since I couldn't really find any of anyone else, here is mine. It's awfully dark, even for me, so I guess I should put this out there...

**WARNING:** This is _not_ for the cheerful or optimistic. Anything bad that _can_ happen, _will_ happen. If you've got any ideas for things that can happen, go ahead and review them to me or shoot me an e-mail. I have a few things I know are going to happen, but I'm always looking to put in some doom and gloom. :)

Happy (not) reading.

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**Alice Brandon-Swan**

I was in love.

I'd been in love for nearly two years, when the beautiful Jasper Hale moved to Phoenix with his just as gorgeous twin sister, Rosalie. Both were a grade ahead of me, but they lived next door to my sister's boyfriend, Edward Cullen, so they befriended him instantly. Rosalie fell for Edward's older bear of a brother Emmett, and that's when Edward introduced me to Jasper.

He and Bella had been dating for a long time, longer than I could remember. Okay, that's a lie. They'd been dating since the summer between seventh and eighth grade and had been going strong the entire time. Only a few fights had marred their otherwise flawless relationship, and though they were only going to be juniors, they had plans to get married one day.

Bella dragged me to Edward's house one day when I had plans to go shopping with my good friend Heidi. I had to cancel, though, after she called Edward over and they both forced me into his sleek, silver Volvo.

I sat pouting in the back as they held hands up front. "You guys suck," I muttered, sinking down in my seat. Summer had just begun, and after the vacation was over, I was going to be a freshman. I'd never been more nervous, but I still had plenty of time to agonize over high school. It was only June, after all.

"You don't really mean that," Bella said with a good-natured smile. She glanced at me with her big, innocent brown eyes in the rear view mirror, meeting my blue ones. I sighed heavily, shaking my head, but not complaining otherwise.

We pulled up into his driveway, and I spotted a glistening red BMW parked in front of his three-story house. His father was a doctor, and both of his grandparents were fairly loaded, so when they died, they'd left a good sum of money to both his mother, Esme, and his father, Carlisle.

"What's that?" I asked as he pulled his car into one of the garages. There were four. "Did Carlisle trade in the Mercedes?" I glanced at him, but he just chuckled.

"No, it belongs to the neighbors." He killed the engine and got out, and I followed suite.

I blinked, confused. "Why would they park it in front of your house?" I pestered.

"I don't know, they just did. I think it's just until they finish fixing up their garage." He looked back at me with his big green eyes, mentally begging me to stop asking so many questions, so I pressed my lips together into a scowl.

I'd heard of when the Hales moved into the vacant house next to Edward's, but I'd never had a reason to go visit them. They must've been just as wealthy as Edward's family because they lived in the nicer part of our neighborhood where houses were three stories tall and they had enough room for four car garages. Unfortunately, Bella and I lived a few blocks away in a humble brown two-story house with three bedrooms and three bathrooms. It was small, but it was just fine for us. We had a one car garage where my mother parked her new 2008 Hyundai Sonata, and the old black Mustang Bella and I shared sat out on the street.

We walked in through the garage door, heading in through the foyer. The winding staircase led up where prying eyes couldn't see, but Edward kept walking through the sitting room, which joined into the dining room. I could here voices now as he led us through the arched doorway, and then I saw them, the three people sitting around the round, wooden kitchen table playing cards.

The first was Emmett, who instantly recognized by his dark curls and large build. He looked too out of place with them, and I chuckled lightly under my breath. The second was a girl who was also facing me, her hair long and blond and her eyes a lighter shade of blue than mine, if it were even possible. Third was a tall, lanky male with ruffled blond hair, his back to me so I couldn't see his face.

Edward took Bella's hand as he led her to the table, sitting in between Emmett and the boy. Emmett was more than happy to move his chair next to the girl's, who looked just as happy to be close to the enormous boy.

Instead of going to the table where the five people were already squeezed together with one chair left between the mystery boy and the girl, I went to the fridge first, opening it up eagerly. I saw what I was looking for – a six pack of Coke from the really old Coke bottles that the Cullens always seemed to have a huge supply of. Usually, for Christmas, they wrapped up a couple twelve packs and stuck them in our fridge at home for me to find on Christmas morning. Edward was the only one who rivaled my love for Coke.

I shut the fridge and cracked open the bottle on the edge of the kitchen island before moving gracefully to stand behind Bella's chair, looking down into her hand. I peered out the corner of my eye to glance at the mystery boy's cards before slowly making my way around the table until I was clambering into my own chair.

"Are you settled?" Edward asked, lifting an eyebrow. I stuck out my tongue and folded myself sinuously and with more grace than I had initially intended. Then, I nodded. "Guys, this is my girlfriend Bella, and the little annoyance is Mary Alice, her sister."

"I know who they are," Emmett remarked, earning a slap on the back of the head from Edward. Before it could into a wrestling match, the girl spoke up.

"I'm Rosalie, and that's my twin brother Jasper." I realized I could look at the mystery boy – Jasper, I corrected myself – and did so. He looked just like his sister, but with a more masculine face and deeper blue eyes that I could nearly drown in. I quickly looked away and focused my stare at Edward.

"Don't listen to him," I stated haughtily. "Just call me Alice. I don't want there to be a cause for bodily harm."

Emmett chuckled "Mary Alice" under his breath, and I promptly threw the lid of my Coke bottle at his head.

It was Jasper's turn to stop the wrestling. "You don't look at all alike. Are you sure you're sisters?" He was staring at me, and I felt my cheeks turn slightly pink.

"We're not really sisters," Bella said from across the table. "My mother adopted her when she was really young, so we've been together pretty much all of our lives." She smiled at me, and I smiled back. Bella and I were best friends and sisters, something that couldn't be explained with words.

"I was gonna say," Rosalie agreed, laughing lightly, "Bella's so tall and you're... not."

I huffed and crossed my arms, glaring at Rosalie until she laughed again. Pretty soon the card game was over, and we all went out into the Cullen's back yard to go swimming. Thankfully, I'd worn my little black bikini that matched my shock of black hair (which was growing back nicely after I'd rebelliously shaved it off the summer before the Hale's arrival due to the insane heat).

Though I hadn't talked to Jasper much that first day, it was only a matter of days until we were getting to know each other. He'd come over to our house when Bella was with Edward and Rosalie was with Emmett to "get away from the lovey-dovey couples" .

And that was the summer I fell in love.

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I was recalling that summer as Jasper and I sat watching a movie together. His head was in my lap and I was smoothing his blond hair away from his forehead, my eyes never once glancing at the television screen. He seemed to be having the same problem because pretty soon he sat up, gently pulled me against his chest, and kissed me. I smiled against his lips before he pulled back and ran his hands through my hair. It was longer now, though I was always cutting it so it was never past my shoulders. At the moment, It was cropped just around my face with messy, random layers and uneven bits with my bangs cut long enough to be swept off to the left.

"I love you," he said quietly. I sighed happily and we traded places, my head now in his lap. He took to preening me with his fingers, occasionally leaning down to nip my skin – my jaw, my earlobe, my neck, any place he could reach.

The movie, though ignored, was over too soon and I sat up, shaking my hair out around my face. "Sorry, Jasper, you have to go," I told him sadly, earning an equally depressed stare in return. I smiled lightly and leaned across the space between us to wrap my arms around him in a tight embrace. "I gotta get ready for work."

"I know, babe, but I don't want you to go." I could hear the pout in his voice.

"Oh, Jasper, lighten up! We've got the whole summer together!" I tried to think about only the summer and not about his impending senior year. He promise he'd wait for me and we'd go to college together, but it didn't make it any easier that he wouldn't eat lunch with me every day, or that he wouldn't walk me to and from my classes, giving me little kisses when he suspected no one was looking.

"I know," he replied. "How about this – I'll drive you to work."

I giggled at his hopeful tone. "Sure, and I'll even sleep over your house if you want."

His breathing seemed to hitch, but he didn't voice what he was thinking, because he knew I was thinking the same thing. "Okay... but I won't be able to pick you up. Rosalie needs the convertible as soon as I get home."

"No big deal," I assured him. "I'll walk."

Jasper wasn't pleased at the thought of me walking through Phoenix all by myself at night, but I had lived here all my life, so I knew the streets better than I knew the back of my hand. After another chaste kiss, I bounded up the stairs to change for work.

* * *

He drove me to the Blockbuster a few blocks away, and after ravishing my exposed collarbone, I buttoned up my polo and kissed him good-bye before stepping out of his car and grabbing my back, heading into the brightly lit video store.

Nothing exciting happened. Edward came in once to rent a really scary movie to watch with Bella just so she would hide her face against him the whole time. I rolled my eyes at this but gave the movie to him anyway. Other than that, things were slow.

My shift was soon over at ten thirty and I eagerly left the store to head for Jasper's house. I'd walked a few blocks, passing my own house, before spying a short-cut I so frequently used – a little alley that would cut my time considerably. It was awfully scary looking at night because I usually only traveled it during the day. However, it was a clean alley that I was too familiar with to pass up. Besides, I wanted to be in the arms of my love more than I could have expressed.

I quickly began to dart down the ally, feet making little noise against the stone. I got to the part where an opening met the alley. If I had turned left, I'd be out on the street. I glanced down the juncture, only to spy a group of large boys standing near the mouth. I'd heard them talking even before I passed.

"Shh! Someone's coming," a male voice hissed.

"Hey, she's awfully tiny... they're the feistiest," someone else grumbled.

"Go for it, buddy, we'll watch the openings," a third man said.

My heart began beating too fast as some of the men went out on the street. Three stood at the end of the juncture before four others ran off. I picked up my pace, only to hear a quicker set of steps behind me. "Woah, woah," a husky voice told me. It was a new voice, one that hadn't been speaking before. "Where are you going so fast?"

I knew there was no escape as the enormous shadows appeared at each end of the alleyway. I was trapped. Even so, I struggled, and I pressed a hand to my mouth before I could scream.

I wasn't sure what was happening, but I heard the tearing of cloth. He deftly tied it around my eyes and proceeded to tear a thicker strip of his shirt to stuff in my mouth and then duct tape shut. I was crying even before anything else happened. Thankfully, he had to stop before yanking off my jeans, which he had already unbuttoned, because my cell phone rang.

For a long moment, I was left sitting on the ground, blind and unable to scream. The blindfold was wet with my tears. "Jasper?" the man rumbled. I heard him press a button, throw the phone back into the back, and turn back to me. "We'll just ignore him for the time being." I could hear the satisfied smile in his voice as he yanked off my pants and underwear, swiftly taking off his own before taking me there in the alley.

I fought back with him, and he smacked me numerous times. He wasn't at all gentle, and I hit my head on the concrete ground multiple times. He was everywhere, pinching me, hurting me... It wasn't at all pleasurable. It hurt more than the time I'd broken my arm in three places. Soon enough, he was finished with me, and he got up with a grunt. "Thanks for that, little fairy," he purred. I heard his friends meet up with him, laughing satisfied, as they left.

With shaking hands, I ripped the blindfold from my eyes and ripping the gag. As soon as my mouth as free, I was sobbing. My phone was ringing, and I fumbled with it, afraid if who it might be. It was Jasper, and I knew there was no way I could face him. With guilt heavy in my heart, I pressed the send button and pushed my phone against my ear. "Hello?" I whispered.

"Alice? Where are you?" He sounded very concerned, and I very nearly started going into hysterics. I held it all in, swallowing it down like a bad medicine.

"I'm sorry, Jasper, I can't sleep over tonight."

I could hear the confusion and hurt in his voice. "Oh, okay. How about I sleep over your house tomorrow night?"

Though I didn't want him near me, I said shakily, "Sure, that's fine."

"Are you sure you're okay?" he inquired, concerned.

I fumbled for a lie, spewing the first thing coming to my mind. "They were playing _The Notebook_ at work. You know that always makes me cry."

He chuckled lightly, relieved. "All right. See you tomorrow, Alice. I love you."

The words tasted sour in my mouth, wondering what he would think of me if he knew what had happened, but I said them anyway, "I love you, too, Jazz. With all my heart." And then I hung up on my love.

With difficulty, I pulled on my underwear and jeans, nearly collapsing as I tried running for my house. I managed to reach it, trying to fit the key into the lock. I managed to get inside, and I locked the door behind me, refusing to leave the extra key outside. What if they man knew where I lived? What if he came in? I ran for the back door, locking it, too, before slowly going up to the bathroom Bella and I shared.

I stripped down and turned the water all the way up. I burned my skin as I got in, but I ignored the pain and scrubbed myself clean. I clenched my teeth together as tears streamed down my face, and I got out after the water ran cold and my skin was rubbed raw.

I changed into my most boring clothes – a gray sweatshirt and black sweat pants. I cranked the A/C all the way up before crawling, exhausted, into my bed.

Sleep eluded me, though, and I thought about what had happened. It was my fault – that was all I could think. It was my fault. My mind reciprocated the thought over and over again in my mind until I broke down crying at what I had done. I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes, sobbing quietly. What would Bella think? She'd hate me, I knew it. She had been the one who instilled 'No sex until marriage' in me and Jasper... she'd hate me for going against what we both believed so strongly in.

And Edward... he was just the same way. He would hate me more than she did! Edward and I had been good friends even before he met Bella. He was my brother like Bella was my sister. He'd hate me, too, and try to keep Bella away from me.

A face appeared in my mind – Jasper's face. We had both agreed to wait until marriage so it would be super special, and I had broken our promise. I fisted my hair and wanted to scream at myself for my stupidity, for letting everyone around me down. I decided I could tell no one. No one would ever know. And if I was pregnant...

Pregnant. I hadn't heard my attacker put on a condom, and I most certainly wasn't on the pill. I'd never seen the need. Soon I was crying again, thinking about a baby that belonged to an unknown father, just like I didn't know my father. But I couldn't take a little life, as much as I didn't want the little guy, if he even existed. I'd have to wait and find a way to get a hold of a pregnancy test without letting anyone know.

I managed to sleep, briefly, before waking up screaming in the middle of the night. No one was home – Bella was with Edward, and our mother, Renée was working over time. The whole scene replayed in my nightmare, but this time, Jasper found out and hated me. Soon enough, everyone found out, and then I was all alone.

I didn't go back to sleep. I couldn't. To see Jasper's broken expression and the hate in his eyes were too much for me to bear. I would live with this secret for the rest of my life, if I had to.

No matter what it did to me, I would never tell any one. _Never_.

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Told you it wasn't for the optimistic.

Review if you want more.


	2. Chapter 2

I appreciate people putting me on their author alerts or my stories on the story alert thing, but I'd rather reviews than that stuff. So, this time, just take a few seconds to go ahead, click the little periwinkle button at the bottom, and then type up a quick review. Just, please, do not tell me to "update" or that this chapter was "good, can't wait to read more". I want actual, worthwhile criticism.

With that said, please leave me a review, even if it's about something clever that I had someone say or your favorite part your your least favorite part. On with the story. (Notice there were no exclamation points at all. That's because this is a solemn story, so to go along with this solemn story is a solemn author's note.)

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**Alice Brandon-Swan**

I didn't go back to sleep that night.

I sat in my bed, trying to ignore how unclean I felt. However, it wasn't something I could ignore, so I got up and went back into the shower at two o' clock in the morning, once more turning the water on as hot as it would go. It hurt worse than it did the first time because of the fact that my skin was still tender from being rubbed raw the previous evening. I scrubbed myself furiously, trying to wash away the unclean feeling with soap and water.

As I toweled off and put on a modest black T-shirt and a pair of ripped blue-jeans, I realized this was something I couldn't wash off like dirt despite the fact that it made me feel dirty and filthy. I didn't bother to put on make up or blow dry my hair as I settled in to wait for an appropriate time to awaken. At last, the clock struck eleven, my normal time of wakening, and I grabbed my wallet and practically ran down the stairs. I collided instantly with someone – a man. I knew for a fact there wasn't a man in our family, and my first instinct was to panic.

"Woah, woah, Alice, calm down," Jasper soothed, rubbing my hair away from my forehead. It was no longer wet. "What's got you so worked up?"

Lying was becoming a hobby. "I had a bad dream," I said quickly. "Someone... came into the house... a man... and it just scared me." I offered a weak smile, and I could see that he took it as weakness due to my sudden scare. He smiled down at me and kissed my forehead, making the guilt on my shoulders nearly suffocating. "Listen, I gotta run to the drugstore and get a magazine. Why don't you raid the fridge and make us something for lunch? We can have an in-house date."

He instantly agreed, pleased to be able to do something to make me happy. Little did he know that this wouldn't make me happy. It would just make me feel worse for doing what I had done to him and made the realization that no one could find out even more powerful in my mind.

I grabbed the Mustang keys from the hook. She must've come back from Edward's, and then he picked her up early this morning in his car because she hadn't been in her bedroom. Normally, I would have been annoyed, but today, I was utterly grateful because I'm pretty sure I couldn't have lied to Bella like I could lie to Jasper.

I got in the car and drove quickly to the Rite-Aid ten minutes away from my house. I pulled out a pair of sunglasses from the glove compartment and put them on, grabbing a zip-up hoodie from the back. I figured it was Edward's, but I didn't care. I zipped it up, pulled up the hood, and ducked quickly into the store.

A few people watched me carefully as I made a quick stop at the large magazine rack. I quickly picked up a Cosmogirl, Seventeen, and Entertainment Weekly. I tucked them under my arm and tried to weasel through the aisles without drawing much attention to myself. I eventually reached the aisle that held what I was really looking for – pregnancy tests.

I knew it was too early to tell, but I had decided to get them while no one was at home. Like I said, lying to Jasper was easier than lying to Bella. I moved down the line of tests, unsure of which ones to pick. I grabbed four, just in case, and carried my spoils to the register. Understanding seemed to dawn in the cashier's eyes as she looked at my tests, and I felt my cheeks burn with humiliation. Thankfully, she said nothing as she rang up my purchases and took my money.

I got into the car and tossed the sweater and glasses into the back, peering into the bag. I spotted a couple of candy bars I most definitely didn't buy, and I instantly knew that the cashier had given them to me for free. Tears welled up in my eyes and I quickly threw the car in reverse and pulled out of the Rite-Aid.

"Alice? Is that you?" Jasper called from the kitchen as I walked through the front door.

"Yeah, hold on a sec, let me go stow away these magazines," I responded, dashing up the stairs. I put the magazines on my desk and moved to my walk-in closet, unsure of where to hide the tests. I spotted the ugly black leather purse my grandmother had once gotten me, and I quickly undid the clasp ant threw the tests inside. I clipped it shut and ran out of the closet.

I paused in the bathroom to check any wounds I might have had. There were scrapes on my elbows and arms, as well as a small cut on my forehead. I knew there was a bump on my head, but my hair hid it well. My cheeks weren't as swollen as they had been before, and that was pretty much it for the wounds that would be visible.

My urge to shower was stronger than my urge to see Jasper, but somehow, I resisted. I went downstairs and into the kitchen, trying my best to put a spring in my step. It was incredibly difficult to slide into the seat he had set up for me beside him and smile as normally as possible. He noticed as he placed the plate of food in front of me.

Jasper was a regular culinary genius. Somehow, he had managed to make pasta with white sauce and fried chicken while I had been gone. I tried to appear hungry, but I had no appetite. He sat beside me, taking my hand in his. "Something wrong?" he murmured, stroking the tender skin.

"No," I whispered. "I'm just...tired. I slept awfully."

"That's because you didn't sleep with me," he replied, grinning widely. I tried to return the smile, but he wasn't fooled.

"Alice... baby, what's the matter?" He trailed his fingers along my jaw, and I wanted to shudder, but not out of the pleasure. I wanted to shudder at the thought of what he would think of me. I knew he would hate me. It was an inevitable fact. I wanted to shudder at the sight of the hatred I would see in his eyes.

At last, I spoke quietly, trying to contain the emotion I could feel creeping into my voice. "It's just... I don't know... if I want you to sleep over."

He was confused. "But we've slept over each other's houses before..."

"I know," I assured him. How could I turn away my love when all I wanted to do was hold on, to spill the truth and pray to whatever God had made this happen to me that Jasper would accept me, would do whatever he could to help me. But I knew deep in my heart that that could never happen. If he knew, he would shun me. Of this I was certain. "I just... I'm just... insecure." I fidgeted as he scrutinized me, trying to understand.

"I'm afraid I still don't comprehend," he said at last.

I sighed heavily. "I'm just afraid... that one day... you won't want me anymore... and I'll be too attached... so it'll just hurt. A lot." It was a lame excuse, but it was the closest to the truth he was getting.

He surprised me by being angry. I flinched away from his clenched fist on the table and the fire in his eyes. "Mary Alice Michelle Brandon-Swan," he growled lowly. I bit my lip to keep my whimper of fear from escaping. "Don't you ever think that. Ever." His face relaxed at my obvious fear, and he gingerly took my hand between both of his. "I love you, so much. I love you just the way you are. I love everything about you. I'll always want you, even when we're old and withering away to nothing."

I broke down crying, but he assumed it had been from his words. "Oh, Alice, I didn't mean to make you cry... I'm sorry. Shh, honey, it's okay. I love you, I love you." He pulled me against his chest, and against my better judgment, I held on with all the strength I had. I dried my tears on his shirt and sat back, sniffling.

"Now..." He smiled, squeezing my hand. "About our sleepover..."

I laughed and it was only slightly forced. "I suppose so," I agreed quietly, squeezing back. My appetite was still nonexistent, but I still ate most of what was on my plate anyway. The entire time, as we talked in hushed voices about nothing in particular, I couldn't help but think about the real reason I had broken down.

His words were sweet, and probably true – but only for now. If he knew how unclean I had become in a matter of minutes the previous evening, he would take back all he had said. Beautiful words were for beautiful people, I realized, and I was not a beautiful person. Not anymore.

When we were done, I told him I wanted to take a shower. He replied with saying he was going to run home and get a couple of DVDs Rosalie had gotten from a friend before leaving me to my own devices.

The first think I did was go up to the bathroom, feeling sick to my stomach. I turned on the hot water, making sure it was all the way up, before turning to the toilet and loosing my entire lunch in the bowl. After my stomach was empty, I dry-heaved a few times before flushing it away and stripping down to scrub at my skin once more. I ground my teeth together as my flesh became redder and redder before rinsing and stepping out of the shower.

I changed into purple pajama pants and a matching purple T-shirt before slinking down the stairs with hunched shoulders.

I went down into the basement with one of the candy bars I had been given, finding that I could nibble on the edge of the chocolate without any consequences. I curled up on one of the couches in the basement, staring blankly at the large television as I waited. At last, I heard the front door open and close before the basement one opened and Jasper came down.

He was wearing gray sweats and a white T-shirt, his hair wet as well. He grinned at our similar appearances before setting the large bowl of popcorn he had made on the coffee table, setting his back pack on the ground with care.

"So," he said, watching me nibble. I knew he suspected something because I never nibbled when it came to chocolate, but he didn't say anything. "What shall we watch first?"

I shrugged listlessly, causing his eyebrows to come together. "What did you bring?" I inquired, forcing excitement into my voice.

He opened up the backpack and pulled out a stack of DVDs. They were all my favorites, and I picked up the CD case he had brought, flipping through the illegal DVDs.

Jasper's cousin, Demitri, was in some kind of navy or army gig, so he got DVDs of movies while they were still in theaters. I flipped through, none of them catching my eye, until I saw it – _The Dark Knight._ For a moment, I was genuinely excited, and I pulled it out, handing it to him.

He fiddled with the TV while I continued to nibble. Finally, the DVD was playing, and I was snuggled up close to his side. We didn't say anything as the movie played and the day began to wane into night. We switched out DVDs, deciding to watch _Mama Mia!_, another illegal one. This one I liked even more than Batman, and I found myself excited to watch it. It was nice to feel normal, even if I was most definitely not. In the words of the Joker - "I believe what doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger."

* * *

Things just got worse as the weeks droned on.

By the time July fifteenth rolled round, I had quit my job at Blockbuster which caused a stir amongst my family and friends. I loved my job there, but I was scared stiff of working the night shifts, which was where I was always put no matter what I requested. I just told them they were asking too much of me, and the subject was, thankfully, dropped.

Bella began to get suspicious. Her clever eye noticed that I dressed more conservatively, wearing darker shades in order to not stand out and lots of jeans. I told her Cosmogirl said jeans were in again, but she called my bluff by saying Cosmogirl said purple was in, not jeans. My rebuttal was that jeans were always in and she should worry about her own fashion sense, not mine. It made her mad and she stalked out.

She also noticed that I had no appetite whatsoever. When I did eat, I just threw it up again.

I didn't sleep at all. I spent my nights wondering how long I could hide my secret without anyone finding out. During that night of July fifteenth three weeks later, I discovered the answer to that question: not for long.

After I was sure everyone in the house was asleep, I went into my closet and retrieved the ugly leather bag I had stashed the pregnancy tests in. I went to the bathroom and shut and locked the door. I opened all of the tests and peed on all of them, then sat to wait for the test to show me what I wanted to know.

The little pink plus sign on every test told me what I didn't want to hear. _Congratulations! You're going to be a mommy_! It may have been a wonderful thing for husbands and wives who were trying to conceive, but not to me. To me, it was a sign of my life crumbling down around me.

For a long time, I just sat in the bathroom and looked at the test I held in my hand. Then, I threw them all back in the bag and ran back to my room, throwing them in the corner nearest to the door. I fell upon my bed and cried until I could no longer stay awake.

Thankfully, I slept dreamlessly. I found that if I stayed awake for long periods of time and then just passed out, I slept with no nightmares. It was a hassle, and it was awful to have all that time to just think when I wanted nothing more than my voice in my head to just shut up and stop making me feel like a total slut.

More and more often, I found myself getting sick, and not on purpose. But with the morning sickness came something I'd been longing for – an appetite. I was hungry for everything and anything. Jasper came over more during the summer, and despite my increasing appetite, my appearance had become do deteriorate.

My skin became paler, sallower because I rarely left the house anymore. I spent a lot of time in the basement. Dark bags had become permanently penciled in beneath my eyes, getting more and more purple each night I refused to sleep. They would get lighter on the rare days I would pass out and sleep for hours and hours. But that didn't stop my health from deteriorating.

People knew something was wrong with me. Oftentimes, they tried to force it out of me, but I did my best to cover it up. Jasper and Bella were the most exasperated of them all, I knew.

One day at the beginning of August, Bella caught my vomiting into the toilet.

"Oh, my God, Alice!" she exclaimed. "Crap, oh my God! Are you all right?"

_No! _I wanted scream. _No! I was raped, and now I'm pregnant, and I'm puking my fucking guts up into the toilet! Help me, Bella! HELP ME! _Instead, I gave her a weak smile. "Just a bug."

"EDWARD!" she yelled. I heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs, and then Edward appeared behind her, staring at me with wide eyes.

"Alice," he said quietly, pushing past my sister and coming to kneel beside me next to the toilet. He quickly flushed the bowl before tilting my head to look up at him. "Wow, you look awful... there has been a bug going around... Do you want me to call my dad?"

My reaction was instantaneous. "NO!" I shouted, causing him to blink. "No, no. I just need some Seltzer water or something, a couple Tums, and maybe even a sleeping pill."

Edward stared at me for a long time before nodding slowly, getting up and helping me as well. He led me to my room, where he laid me down before disappearing with Bella. He returned with a glass of bubbling water and a couple of pills. He watched me chew the chalky Tums and swallow the pill before leaving.

Bella came up a little while later. I was still fighting the stupor, and I bet I looked like the living dead. She set a tray across my legs. There was tomato soup, some saltines, a a glass of ginger ale on it. I ate slowly under her careful supervision before finally falling asleep.

* * *

This one was shorter, but I'm trying to move things along. Review, please.

I'm looking for a Beta reader for this story... if you're interested in helping me out, send me an email:  
kelsey (dot) sohns (at) yahoo (dot) com.

Review, review, review!


	3. Chapter 3

I'm sad. :( No one seems to like reviewing this story… I really like writing it. So spread the word! Please, people, just do me a solid and tell people about this. Put it on your favorites list, write about it in your profile, but most of all REVIEW! Please, review.

Someone asked me if I would be using characters like Charlie, Jacob, and Angela. I'm not going to be able to use everyone, but I will be using most of Stephenie Meyer's (who I will refer to as SM from now on) characters. Or, I'll try to, at least.

One last thing: If anyone has any suggestions for bad things that can happen, please feel free to suggest them in a review, IM, or e-mail. I have now allowed my e-mail to be viewed on my profile, and my screen name is on there, too. So, on with the fic!

* * *

**Alice Brandon-Swan**

I thought that, maybe, things would get better. I thought that, maybe, I saw a glimmer of hope on the horizon of my future. I thought that, maybe, things could go back to normal.

But then I come back down to reality and I remember what had happened.

After my little mishap with Bella and Edward, I noticed my normally perfectly flat stomach growing in size. Every morning, when it was still very early, the sun having not come up yet, I would stand in the bathroom and examine every inch of my body. I would get up close to the mirror above the sink and examine my eyes, pulling at the darkened skin beneath them. Then I would rub my fingers over my cheeks, trying to make the sallow, somehow loose skin tight against my cheekbones like it once had been.

Then I would turn sideways and look at myself in the full-length mirror hanging from the back of the door.

"Oh, hello, little baby," I murmured on the morning of August nineteenth, running my hands down my stomach before cupping the little bump in my palms. Tears pricked my eyes as I found myself becoming very emotional. "Your father ruined my life, but I love you, even if no one else will." I sniffed and wiped my eyes before looking down at my child. I heard Bella moving around in her room, and I looked toward the door that she would soon walk through. I grabbed my clothes and ran into my room, shutting the door silently and locking it behind me. I clothed my naked body quickly, wearing a loose white sundress that hugged my chest (which was getting bigger) but hung loosely around my stomach and torso.

I glanced at the clock and realized I'd been standing in the bathroom for hours. I frowned, thinking about all the flaws I'd picked out – visible and invisible. I wished that I could put on some jeans, but my hips had been getting wider and they wouldn't zip up all the way anymore. Collapsing down on my bed, I dropped my head in my hands.

The emotional strain on my mind was immense. I felt guiltier than ever. I was still unable to sleep. If I did, it was because I passed out on the couch. Bella watched me like she expected me to explode into a million pieces. Edward had told his father, and now Carlisle was pestering me to go to him for a check-up. Worst of all, Jasper was avoiding me.

I didn't blame him. I wouldn't want to be around me, either.

Against my will, a sob erupted from my throat, and I watched the tears drip down my nose and onto my dress. I pressed my palms against my eyes and felt my shoulders shake with the weight of my grief. I didn't realize the bathroom door had opened and someone was watching me until I straightened up.

"Alice," Bella murmured, her face torn between sadness and reluctance. Sadness won out and she stepped across the floor, miraculously not tripping, and wrapped her arms tightly around me. "What's the matter?"

I lied. "Nothing. I'm… I'm just on my period, and I'm… I'm a little emotional."

"Why's that?" she asked, rubbing my hair.

"Jasper has been avoiding me. Do you know if he's mad at me?" Well, of course he was mad at me. He had every reason and right to be.

"No, he's not mad, Alice. Jasper and I, along with Rosalie, Carlisle, Emmett, Esme, and Edward, are really concerned for you. You've been acting funny all summer long. You look awful, and you haven't gone shopping or let Jasper kiss you for _weeks._" Bella took my shoulders as I tried to shove her away. "Please, Alice, tell me what's wrong! I'm begging you, as your best friend – and your sister."

For a moment, I was conflicted. "No," I said firmly at last. "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine, I'm just feeling a little ill."

"Then let Carlisle take a look at you, Alice, _please_!" She gripped one of my oddly cold hands in both of hers.

I ripped it from her grasp. "_No_. Go away, Bella, I don't need this right now."

"Alice, Alice, please! I swear not to tell, I swear!" She fought against me as I began shoving her out of the room, and she easily won. My strength had deteriorated along with my appearance.

I decided to placate her. "If you swear not to tell, I'll tell you soon. Soon, Bella, I promise. Isn't that good enough for you?"

She stopped fighting. "Fine. It's fine." As her expression turned stony, she left my room the same way she came in.

* * *

Jasper started talking to me again. He came over later that afternoon and told me that my dress was pretty. For the next week, we hung out a lot. I tried to but on a brave face for him, but he wasn't fooled. He was just as half-hearted about our relationship as I was. He never kissed me, and I never tried to kiss him.

Life sucked.

Even worse was that the following Tuesday, on August twenty-sixth, school was starting. I went shopping with Rosalie and Bella and had to buy bigger pants. After Rosalie paid for our purchases, they went onto the food court. I told them I needed to pick up something else and would meet them. After they left, I bought a few sets of maternity jeans, along with a couple shirts. I ran them out to Rosalie's trunk and met them at the food court.

On the first day of school, I felt like everyone was staring at me. I was paranoid somebody knew. But nobody said anything about me, and by the end of the day, I hadn't heard any rumors about me. I was thankful that gym was a thing of the past for me since I was a junior.

The following Saturday, I was finishing up rubbing my skin raw in yet another shower when it happened.

I was drying my hair with a towel, dressed in comfy sweats as I waited for The _Blair Witch Project_ to come on Showtime. I nearly screamed when I walked into my bedroom – because there was Bella, standing in the middle of the room, the ugly black bag at her feet. In each of her hands, she held two of my pregnancy tests.

Slowly, she looked at me. I briefly wondered what my face looked like. Her eyes were wide, her mouth opened into a little 'o' shape. "Alice," she began in a low voice with underlying fury, "are these yours?"

I nodded mutely.

Bella was oddly calm as she dropped the pregnancy tests, one by one, into the bag at her feet. I found the sound of them hitting the bottom of the bag very ominous. At last, she turned her incredulous gaze to me. "You promised. We both promised. We promised we would wait, Alice, until we were married," she hissed, her eyebrows coming together, eyes narrowing into a menacing glare. Tears stung my eyes. "How could you? You and Jasper-"

"It's not Jasper's," I whispered, pressing my hand to my continually-growing bump.

"What?" She sounded as if she'd run four miles. "It's not… then… You _cheated_ on _Jasper_?" If she hadn't looked angry before, she was furious now. "How _could_ you, Alice! You and Jasper… how could you _do_ that to him! That is the lowest of low! _You_ are the lowest of low!"

I broke down then.

I collapsed to my knees and pressed my face into my hands, sobbing against my palms. I didn't look at her, but I knew her anger had quickly diffused at the sight of my tears. "That's not it, is it?" she murmured, sinking down beside me. Her voice was kind now, but when she found out the truth, she would explode like she had just seconds before. "Well, if it's not Jasper's… and you didn't cheat on him… then how…?" She trailed off, her eyes widening of her own question was answered. "Oh_. Oh_."

"Bella, Bella," I insisted, grabbing her collar and holding on tightly, my eyes leaking more tears. "I swear to you I didn't mean for it to happen, I swear. It was an accident, it was an accident, I swear…" I broke down into more sobs, and I latched onto her for all I was worth. Whether she hated me or not, I didn't want to be abandoned. "Don't hate me, Bella, please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"Shh," she soothed. "Don't be ridiculous. I couldn't hate you for something that wasn't your fault, Alice. No, shh. It's okay."

"But it is my fault," I sobbed, hiding my face against her shirt.

That was when she smacked me.

My head turned from the shock of her blow, and I could already feel the blood flowing to my cheek where her hand had connected with my skin. I pressed my fingertips to the wound and exhaled sharply, turning my wide eyes to her. She was smiling, albeit apologetically, as she helped me up from the floor. "You are being silly, Alice. It's not your fault." Her smile faded and her lips pressed down into a hard line as she spoke through her teeth. "Somebody raped you. Somebody threw you down at your weakest moment and took advantage of you. This isn't your fault. Not at all."

And I found that, somehow, I could believe her.

"Now," she murmured, touching my cheek. "We've gotta call someone."

"No," I said instantly.

"Alice, don't. You are _pregnant_. You're going to have a baby. You need medical care. You have to see a doctor." She paused, gazing into my eyes. "I'll call Carlisle, and he'll-"

"No," I pleaded. "Bella, no, please. Let me tell them. I'll do it soon. It's not like I can put it off much longer." Against my better judgment, I gingerly lifted the skirt of my dress to show her the tiny baby growing in my stomach. She sighed and reached out but dropped her hand last minute.

With eyes of disapproval, she agreed. "Fine. But soon, Alice. If you don't do it soon, I will tell them."

I sighed. "Okay. I will."

* * *

Just when things were looking up, they plummeted back down.

For two more weeks, I kept getting bigger. I could see the bulge that was my baby even better now. I loved it already, even though it wasn't born yet. I could sleep easier, as long as I was sleeping in Bella's bed. Nightmares no longer plagued me. My skin became healthier, tighter, and I began to get more natural weight as my appetite kept growing and the morning sickness ceased.

Bella did her research. She got me prenatal vitamins and made sure there was always healthy food in the house. I had a distinct craving for sweet tea all the time, so there was always a gallon of that in the house, too. Jasper noticed my change in mood, but despite that, he seemed just as distant as usual.

I was, however, very hormonal. I cried often, even at the tiniest of things. If Renee thought I was gaining a little weight, I would burst into tears. She only did that once, however, and didn't bring it up again.

It was a good day when the worst happened. I woke up, refreshed and rejuvenated. There was a pint of Ben and Jerry's calling my name. But most importantly, Jasper was coming over for the whole day. Even if I couldn't kiss him (Bella had accepted me, but there was still the problem of Jasper, who hadn't a clue), I wanted to be with him… no matter how hard the impending separation afterward would be.

I had finished showering (normally, for once, no red skin involved) and was trying to choose an outfit for the day. My normal clothes were no longer fitting. I had to wear either baggy sweatshirts or some of my maternity clothes. Just as I was to make a decision, I heard voices in the hall. Thinking nothing of it, I dropped my towel, preparing to put on my underwear, when –

The door burst open.

At first, I just froze. Jasper stood in the doorway, his eyebrows coming together. At last, he slammed his fist into the door, making me jump. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it securely around my body, my eyes filling with tears. Who knew the separation would come so soon?

"Jasper!" Bella screamed, grabbing his arm as he stormed off down the hall. I ran after him, trying to assist her.

"No, Jasper, this isn't what it looks like!" I shrieked, pulling on his shirt. He knocked Bella away and grabbed my wrist, his nails biting into my skin. I yelped and he instantly released me.

Breathing heavily, his eyes boring straight into my own, he yelled, "So this is what you meant, by getting too attached? Well, you were right, Alice!" He began storming off down the stairs.

"Wait, Jasper, please, I can explain," I begged, the tears flowing relentlessly now. I dashed down the stairs and grabbed his shirtsleeve again, holding on with all my might. He looked down at me as he yanked open the front door, and I released his arm like I'd been electrocuted. The absolute hatred in his eyes – it was worse than any nightmare I'd ever feared. "I-I'm sorry."

He rolled his eyes, pushing me away. "Yeah, I'll bet," he spat, stepping outside and not bothering to shut the door. He stomped down the stoop steps and made his way to the BMW.

"Jasper, no!" I tried again. "Please, wait! Please! Please! Jasper, please! STOP!" The sound of the tires on the pavement was the final thing that broke me and made me realize it was over. Jasper would no longer be a part of my life. As I watched the shiny red car speed around the corner, I fell to my knees on the steps, my hands no longer gripping the towel as I pressed them to my aching stomach. Then I bent my head, closed my eyes, and wept for all the love I had lost.

* * *

This is my favorite chapter, by far. :)

No author's note could describe how upset I am right now for Alice.

That's real craftsmenship.


	4. Chapter 4

Hooray for my awesome Beta - **hinasolstice**!

First of all, before I forget... this chapter is dedicated to _R.L.N. Tonks_ for reviewing all three chapters and then talking to me! She sure did give me quite a bit of awesome feedback! I don't care if it doesn't get as many reviews as _Imprinted_. I love this story so much!

ALSO - I will be changing my penname to _Finnguala_ after I update all of my chapter fics. :3

Anyway... read on! **Please read the author's note at the bottom for a special voting period!**

* * *

**Jasper Hale**

I opened the door that I rarely walked through anymore. Bella was curled up on the couch, a hard cover book in her hands, resting on her knees. She looked up as I shut the door silently and smiled. "Hey, Jasper." She looked tired, but a subtle look of relief was on her face. For a moment, I didn't understand, but all of a sudden, I realized why she looked so happy.

"You know," I hissed, wrapping my hand too tightly around my car keys. Bella froze, her hand in the process of turning a page. She licked her lips, slowly giving me a shaking, jerking nod. I moved swiftly, grabbing her shoulders and bringing her close to my face. "Tell me, Bella, please, I need to know. What is the matter with my love, my Alice?"

Her breathing was shallow and her heart was beating triple-time. "I can't, Jasper," she whispered, making my blood boil. "It's not my place to tell."

I released her and was off like a bullet. She scrambled up from the couch and tripped up the stairs after me, saying my name, begging me to stop. But I wouldn't stop. I'd stop at nothing to make my sweet, beautiful Alice happy again, to make her _my_ Alice, _my_ bubbly pixie.

She spoke to me, but I didn't hear her. I saw Alice's bedroom door come into view, decorated with random knick-knacks and pictures, and I rushed to grab the handle and threw the door open.

Alice stood, beautifully naked, by her dresser. She held her undergarments in one hand, her towel lying on the floor. My eyes, unconsciously, raked over her pale, gorgeous body, before freezing on the visible lump that didn't belong just above her pelvic bone.

That explained everything. The distance, the unwillingness to touch, to kiss… the peculiar behavior, the worry of getting too attached…. Everything was suddenly cast in a clear light, and I nearly laughed as I understood. Alice had cheated on me; not only had she cheated on me, but she'd also shared a bed with her 'adulterous lover'.

My eyebrows came together as I stared, making sense of all that had happened and was happening. As my frozen limbs unlocked and became less rigid, I slammed my fist into the door. The lying pixie jumped and snatched up her towel, wrapping it securely around her body as I turned and stormed down the hall.

"JASPER!" Bella screamed at me, clawing at my arm and back of my jacket as I headed for the stairs. I didn't need to see anymore. I completely understood. I heard tinier, lighter footsteps on the carpeted floor, and suddenly, a new pair of hands was gripping at my clothes.

Her voice was full of pain, beseeching me, begging me to stop. "No, Jasper, this isn't what it looks like!" she shrieked. I stopped and knocked Bella away, knowing she'd fall just because she was such a klutz. I grabbed her wrist, allowing my nails to briefly bite into her skin. She yelped in pain, and I saw an underlying tone of fear in her eyes. I ignored it but instantly released her, my breath coming in heavy, wild gasps.

"So this is what you meant, by getting too attached? You were right, Alice!" I yelled at her, watching her eyes fill with a pain I didn't recognize. Good, I thought vilely. She had caused me much more pain than any subtle guilt she was feeling about me finding out like this. If she had loved me at all, she'd have been honest, asking me to make love to her instead of running off and becoming a tramp. I turned away and began stomping down the stairs.

"Wait, Jasper, please, I can explain!" she begged, grabbing my shirtsleeve again. I looked down at her as I yanked the front door open with my free hand. She released me instantly, and I wondered what she saw in my eyes that had made her eyes widen and the tears flow more heavily.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I'll bet." I stepped over the threshold, stalking down the stoop steps and hurrying over to the driver's side of the BMW.

She was calling to me as I climbed in. I tried to ignore her, but I couldn't help but hear the absolute agony in her voice. "Jasper, no!" Of all the days to put the fucking top down. "Please, wait! Please! Please! Jasper, please!" I started the car and put it in 'D', driving away as fast as I could. "STOP!" I heard her shriek. I glanced in the rearview mirror just in time to watch her sink to her knees on the doorstep.

I shut the car off and jumped out, running into the house. I slammed the door and stalked into the kitchen where Rosalie was beginning to pour herself a glass of water from the pitcher our mother kept in the fridge at all times. She looked up at me, smiling as she began a greeting, but cut herself off at the look on my face.

"Jasper? What's wrong? What's the matter?" She put down the pitcher and glass before running after me as I ran up the stairs. She kept talking to me, and as I reached my room I stopped, turning to stare at her. I wondered briefly what my face looked like.

"Go away, Rosalie. Just go." I slammed the door shut in her face before ripping off my shoes and collapsing down onto the bed.

Everybody says men don't cry. They shouldn't cry. They're not supposed to cry. Well, fuck them. I didn't care about that unwritten rule as two tears leaked out from either eye, and I pressed my face tightly against my pillow. Silent sobs shook my body and my bed as I cried.

Alice had been my everything. I loved her more than anything else in my world. There would be no one else other than her – no one. The diamond ring I'd purchased at the beginning of summer while on a trip to the mall with Rose was burning a hole at the bottom of my desk drawer.

The days and nights melded together, and I wasn't sure how long it'd been when Rosalie opened my door and poked her head into my room. "Jasper?" she breathed. "Jasper, what's the matter?" She came inside after I said nothing and shut the door, sitting beside my lifeless body and draping her arms around my shoulders. "Please, Jasper, tell me what's wrong. You've been locked up in here for a week."

So that's how long it's been.

"Nothing, Rosalie," I muttered, my voice scratchy.

"No, it can't be nothing," she urged, stroking my hair. "You've missed so much school… Mom won't let you stay up here anymore. Please, Jasper, tell me. You're…" She hesitated, which meant she was going to go against her Rosalie-esque pride. "You're really scaring me."

I hesitated. "Alice is pregnant," I whispered.

She seemed perplexed. "What? When did you do it?" she asked, more shocked that we'd done it than that she was pregnant.

"We didn't," I whispered.

For a long time, she said nothing. Then, she sat up, glaring at the wall. "Huh," she muttered, getting to her feet, muttering 'That fucking tramp' over and over again as the door closed behind her. I got up, stripping off my rumpled clothes and putting a towel around my waist. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, taking a thorough shower before putting on some clean clothes and going to sleep.

* * *

**Alice Brandon-Swan**

Somehow, I'd managed to get up. Somehow, I'd managed to get dressed. Somehow, I'd slept. Somehow, I'd gotten out of bed the next morning.

The whispers started a week after Jasper and I broke up.

I had the worst premonitions after he hadn't shown up after a few days. Had he done something drastic? Killed himself, even? The thought made me sick to my stomach, and for much of the afternoon one week later, I was throwing up in the bathroom.

The whispers were that Jasper and I were having a fight. Boy, was that the understatement of the year, or what?

A few days later, people began staring at me.

I walked down the hall with my head bowed low, feeling totally and utterly useless. I should've just gone ahead and killed myself after I saw Jasper was back and alive. He ate lunch with his sister and Emmett, who sat away from me, Bella, and Edward, who had become part of the staring brigade.

Finally, on October seventh, I heard the rumors.

"Alice Swan is pregnant!" I heard someone whisper at lunch. I dropped my fork, and Bella looked at me, concerned. She said my name a few times, and I suddenly lurched up, the seat sliding backwards and crashing to the floor before I ran off. I spent another afternoon in the bathroom.

I didn't even notice where Bella was driving me that afternoon after school until we'd pulled up in front of the Cullen house. I stared at the gigantic house in horror, wondering if Edward and Emmett had heard the rumors – and if Rosalie had heard them as well. If anything, she was the one who told everyone. At least I didn't hear, _Alice Swan is pregnant and it's not Jasper's! _all day long. As far as the student body was concerned, it was Jasper's.

I got out unwillingly, deleting text message after text message asking me the same exact thing –_Are you pregnant? Is it Jasper's? Is that why you two broke up?_ I didn't answer any of them, and I eventually just shut off the phone and threw it into the backseat halfway home, slumping down in my seat and pressing my face into my sweater, screaming loudly. Bella squeezed me knee gently. At least she was there for me. But it wasn't enough. I was close to the edge now that I no longer had Jasper.

We went inside, and I didn't even look up as we entered the kitchen. I grabbed a Coke from the fridge and cracked it on the island, tossing the cap away. I took a swig; the soda, surprisingly, settled my churning stomach, and I found I could breathe slightly. At last, I looked up, and nearly bolted for the back door, near gasping for air.

Edward sat at the table, along with Emmett, Rosalie, and Bella. They were all staring at me – Rosalie with hate, Edward with anger, Emmett with confusion. Bella looked utterly understanding. Jasper, who 

sat in my direct line of sight, looked utterly broken. His eyes were clouded, and he looked like he'd rather be anywhere else than in my presence. I held my bottle tightly between my hands, looking from one person to the other, eventually landing on Edward, who spoke first.

"Is it true?" he hissed, making me flinch. I remembered the hissing, smug voices from the alley, and willed myself to stop from screaming at the top of my lungs.

"Are you pregnant?" Emmett whispered.

Jasper winced and dropped his head into my hands.

"Is it true it's not Jasper's?" Rosalie snarled, her nails digging into the table. . I flinched, imagining those hands wrapping around my neck, and I knew that was exactly what she wanted to do to me. My eyes darted to her face, confirming my suspicions; she was murderously angry, and I could clearly see the only thing holding her back was Emmett's strong arm around her waist, though he looked like he wanted to set her on me with a smile on his face.

Bella remained silent, wanting to stand up for me, but Edward had a hand on her shoulder. She looked passive, her eyes on me, as if she were willing me to tell the truth myself. It wasn't her burden to tell, anyway. I knew that look, alone, could make me break.

They all repeated their questions, their voices escalating in volume. Rosalie shouted, "ANSWER ME! ANSWER US!" just before my glass Coke bottle slipped from my hand and crashed onto the floor, shattering into a million pieces. They all froze, gazing at me with wide eyes – even Rosalie. My knees trembled, but I ignored that. I snapped, and I slammed my fists down onto the island.

"Yes!" I screamed, pressing my hands to my ears. Their voices had caused such a racket in my head, it had sounded like they had each been multiplied by twenty and were all screaming at the top of their lungs at me to answer their questions. "Yes, it's true, okay? YES! I am pregnant! Yes, it's not Jasper's!" I collapsed to my knees without warning and sobbed into my hands.

"How could you?" Rosalie murmured harshly. There was no mercy in her tone. I made the mistake of looking into her eyes; she was standing protectively over Jasper, her head down on his shoulder, her arms wrapped securely around his neck. He rested his cheek against hers, and they looked every inch the beautiful twins they were. It broke my heart to know they were both looking at me like that.

"I don't know," I sobbed, bowing my head. "It was an accident!" I hadn't meant for it to happen! It had been an accident! I'd been trying to see Jasper when I'd… I'd betrayed him like this. I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes for a moment before lifting my head, peering at them through the curtain of my lank, black hair.

"An accident," Jasper scoffed, his voice breaking. My eyes darted to him. He was staring at me, his eyebrows drawn down, his eyes narrowed into a glare. A sob ripped from my throat and I grabbed my neck, trying to cut off the sound, hoping he hadn't heard. He did, and he drew his lips back from his teeth in an awful snarl.

Edward rose, his gaze cold. I'd made the mistake of raising my head to watch as he stood, staring at me with absolute, ice cold fury. You've experienced white hot rage? This has nothing on it. I flinched and covered my mouth with my hands as I began hyperventilating, seeing him step protectively in front of Bella, who began protesting. "How could it have been an accident, Alice? You're pregnant, with a child. Tell me how it's an accident."

"I don't know," I repeated brokenly. "It was dark… and there were…" I mentally counted, nearly wailing as I thought back to the night that destroyed my life. "…seven. Two guarding each of the three entrances to the alley. " I heard the room go completely silent. Even Bella was no longer calm; I could hear her gasping for breath as she finally discovered what had happened, in vague detail. I'd never talked about it. "He was big, almost bigger than Emmett… almost… and I just… couldn't…" I trailed off as laid down on the floor, closing my eyes as I tried to rest.

"Oh my God," Rosalie whispered.

I heard footsteps before my eyes shot open. "Don't come near me," I ordered, struggling to my feet. I kept my eyes down, not wanting to see their hate. I turned and ran from the room, booking it as fast as I could toward our house.

OKAY! Super special voting time!

I am totally willing to write an Alice x Jasper lemon next chapter... notice, she would still be pregnant! (wink wink) If you think I should go for it... tell me! IN A REVIEW!

To those who are opposed to the idea: I would put breaks in so you could skip to after the lemon. But I really want to write one! I'll only do it, though, if you guys want me to.

SO REVIEW! Please, review!


	5. Chapter 5

Oh, god. Wow. It sure has been a while. I could spew excuses like word vomit, but I'm not going to! All that matters is that I'm updating now… though, I've probably lost 99.99% of my readers. Aha. Anyway, sorry for taking so long! It was a busy school year, and I've been focusing more on my original stories. But, for your enjoyment – here is Chapter Five. :]

By the way! I won't be changing my username. I'll just leave it the way it is now.

**PS!:** No lemon today, so weary readers may read on!

* * *

**Alice Brandon-Swan**

I flew out of Edward's house, throwing the front door opened in my wake. I ran right by our car and headed down the sidewalk. As I neared the place where my ultimate sin had been committed, tears began streaming down my face and I nearly started to wail. I swallowed my cries and rubbed my eyes with the sleeve of my sweater, though the tears still came. My lungs were on fire as I turned the corner, seeing our house come into view. I took the stoop steps two at a time and reached for the key under the mat, my hands shaking so badly I couldn't get the key in the lock. I threw it on the ground and ran back down the porch, opening up the side gate to head into the back yard. Thankfully, the back door was unlocked and opened easily, and I quickly ran inside the cool sanctuary of my home.

I was breathing unevenly, my breath coming in wild, heaving gasps. I was sure I looked like a raccoon with eyeliner and mascara running down my cheeks, tears still falling on top of that. I wiped my nose, shifting from foot to foot where I stood. I glided quickly through the kitchen, taking the stairs two at a time again. I ran to my bedroom, grabbing the door handle and throwing it opened. I didn't bother closing it behind me. As I stormed around my bedroom, I let it all out.

Screams ripped from my throat – screams of agony and fury at myself. I ripped apart magazines, threw my few designer brands around carelessly, throwing pictures in their frames at walls. I threw my lamp onto the floor, smiling with sick satisfaction as the light bulb shattered and the neck of it broke. I grabbed DVDs off my shelves, taking the disks out and snapping them or throwing them around the room. A pair of scissors was soon found and I stabbed my good down pillow, slicing the thin fabric and watching as the white feathers began to coat everything. I stopped soon after, covered with feathers and panting with rage, before turning my wild, wide-eyed gaze to the scissors in my hands.

For a long time, I just stared at them, an idea forming in my mind. Soon enough, I was pulling the two pieces of sharp metal apart, my breathing hitching as I thought about what I was doing. Now that everyone knew, there was no way they could love me anymore. Not even Bella could stand me – I knew it. There was nothing else left for me to live for. "I'm sorry," I breathed before smiling serenely, pressing the sharp edge of the scissors to the pale skin of my wrist.

I pressed down, grinding my teeth at the pain. I focused on other things – happier times I would never know. I felt something drip onto the leg of my jeans, and I quickly pressed down and made another incision across my wrist. I made two more before moving onto my right arm, my head spinning from the blood loss. I heard something and looked up as I was finishing the fifth line, seeing a group in the doorway – all familiar faces. "'S okay," I murmured drowsily before falling off the bed.

"NO!" a voice roared. I vaguely heard footsteps and someone cradling me, as well as sobs in the background. Something warm and wet was dripping onto my face, but I never figured out what it was, because as I heard shouts of, "Call 911!" from the same voice that had bellowed my name, I was already dead.

* * *

Unfortunately, I was not one for luck.

Sure, it wasn't that I was unlucky. I was caught between the two. Of course, the scales had been tipping in the favor of unlucky these last few months, but otherwise, my life had been fairly simple. I heard a buzzing, and I wanted to raise my hand to swat the bug away from my ear, but my arms felt like they weighed a hundred pounds. I opened my mouth to yell go away, but the words wouldn't come out.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there, waiting to be able to move and speak. However, the heaviness I felt faded and I fluttered my eyelashes. I most definitely was not dead, which upset me for some reason. Who had bothered to save me? I heard someone whisper, "She's awake," before a shuffling sound plagued my eardrums. At last, I blinked my eyes opened, closing them immediately at the brightness. I moaned, pressing my palms to my face, and I felt something taped underneath my nose. I touched the air tube gently, my fingers grasping it to rip it off. Hands grabbed mine, pulling them down. "No, Alice," the same whisper begged. I blinked my eyes again, adjusted to the light. I looked around the hospital room for a while before turning my head to look at the man holding on tightly to my left hand.

"Jasper," I breathed, confused. My head continued to clear as I stared at him. He looked at me carefully, gauging my reaction, before leaning down to run his lips over my knuckles. I instantly ripped my hand from his, feeling a throbbing pain in my forearms. "What is this? Why are you here?" My mind was telling me he was playing nice now because I was hurt, but that it was all an act. And I believed what my mind was telling me.

His expression was hurt, but his eyes were relieved. He held out one hand, silently begging me to give him permission. Slowly, I shook my head back and forth, swallowing hard. "Why are you doing this to me?" I whispered brokenly, tears falling down my cheeks. "Why are you doing this?"

Jasper leaned away, confused. "What? Doing what?"

"_Playing me_, Jasper, why are you playing me?" I sobbed, pressing the heels of my hands to my eyes. My heard monitor began beeping wildly, and I wished he couldn't hear how my heart was fluttering in my chest. "I kn-know you hate me, you said so before. This d-doesn't c-change anything." I rubbed my nose, daring to look at him. Incredulousness was winning out on his face. "I… I still betrayed you so badly." My voice was breaking as I whispered.

Instead of smiling evilly and telling me that I was right, he was on his feet, sweeping me into his arms. I gasped, my head resting against his shoulder, where it had always meant to be. I pressed my lips tightly together as they trembled, and I hid my face against his shirt, sobbing quietly. My arms snaked around him, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and holding on tightly. He held me close, leaning over me, sheltering me, protecting me. He rocked me gently, running his fingers soothingly through my hair. "Alice," he whispered in my ear, his breath tickling my neck. "Oh, Alice, no. No, no, no. I'm the one who is supposed to be sorry. I yelled at you… without even stopping to listen…"

I cut him off, pressing my face closer to his neck and inhaling deeply. "You had every right, after what I did to you," I cried, my voice muffled as I kept on sobbing. He shook his head, leaning back to carefully take my face in his hands. My vision was still blurred with tears, and his thumbs rubbed gently under my eyes to wipe away the stray ones that remained.

"Alice, no," he insisted, looking at me with nothing but love in his eyes. Warmth I'd missed so much filled my heart and I found I could smile a tiny smile at him. "This is not your fault." He moved me over a little and got into the bed with me, lying down beside me and allowing me to snuggle close to his side. "It never was, and never will be. Nobody is angry with you, Alice." Hesitantly, he pressed one hand across my swollen stomach, which was easily seen with the hospital gown pulled tight to my body because I was pressed close to his side. I shivered with joy as he rubbed gently, "If… I know you're not going to get rid of it… and you can't hide this forever…" He turned his gaze to my eyes. I was confused, to put it mildly. "Alice, what I'm trying to say… is if you want, you can… you can tell people that it's my child."

Against my will, more tears fell. "Why would you do this?"

His expression was perplexed, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He took my face into my hands again, stroking my cheekbones with his thumbs. "Silly Alice," he breathed, leaning down towards me. "It's because I love you." He leaned down the rest of the way, brushing his lips tenderly to mine – just the softest of pressures, asking silent permission. I hesitated, unsure, as he continued to stroke my cheeks. Eventually, I leaned forward, returning the pressure, and he smiled, pulling away. "I've missed this."

"I missed this, too, Jasper," I whispered shakily, sniffling as I gently rubbed my nose against his in an adorable Eskimo kiss. He chuckled and returned the favor, tilting my head slightly to give me another kiss soon afterward. When he pulled away, I gripped the collar of his shirt in my hands, staring imploringly. "Are you sure you don't hate me?"

Though there was a hard edge to it, Jasper chuckled, tapping my nose with his finger. "I swear I do not hate you, Alice Swan. I swear that I will never hate you. Ever."

I was still dubious. "But you hated me when you found out…" I rubbed my stomach and he followed suit, leaning down to kiss the bump like it really was his own child. More tears rolled down my cheeks and I wiped them away fruitlessly. In the most gentlemanly way possible, he held out the end of his shirt to me, and I dried my eyes with it, giggling the entire time.

When I was finished, he ran his fingers through my hair. "No, Alice," he replied at last, and I rested my head on his shoulder. "I never hated you when I found out. I was angry, yes, broken, of course… but I didn't hate you. I couldn't hate you. I was mostly mad at myself, because I thought someone else had given you what I couldn't… and when we found out the truth, when you were laying on Edward's floor… I don't think I've felt worse about anything in my whole life."

He trailed off, his eyes growing unfocused. I tilted my head to look at him before running a finger along his jaw, catching his attention. Tears were shining unshed in his eyes, and I frowned, perplexed. "And when we saw you, with those scissors…" My stomach plummeted and I gulped, leaning away slightly to get a better look at his face. "…and the blood, oh my God… Alice, why? What were you thinking? How could you do that to yourself?"

I sighed shakily, never taking my eyes off his face. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I didn't… I didn't think that I… that I…" I hid my face in my hands, and Jasper pulled me to him. He began rocking me again, murmuring soothing words of love and serenity in my ear. I found myself relaxing against him completely, my head resting against his chest.

"We're going to get you help, Alice," he assured me, stroking the length of my arm. "And you're going to get better. And you're going to have this baby, and we're going to go back to normal." I giggled, and he frowned. "What's so funny?"

"I can never go back to normal, Jasper," I whispered. "This is always going to be a part of me… I'm not just going to be able to forget it." I wanted to go on, but I heard a cry of joy from the doorway and I looked up, seeing Bella with Edward, Rosalie, and Emmett behind her. She ran to my bed, wrapping her arms tightly around me.

She sobbed in my ear, and I could only chuckle, patting her back gently. "Bella, shh," I consoled her, squeezing her tightly and ignoring the pain in my wrists. "I'm so sorry." She pulled back, smiling jubilantly at me. "Can you ever forgive me?"

She frowned. "I kind of don't want to," she replied, tapping my nose sternly. "But I love you so much, Alice. I'm so glad that there aren't any more secrets and that you can finally get the help you deserve." We both smiled at each other as they all made their rounds. Rosalie was the last one to go, and she looked utterly guilty as she shuffled forward, staring moodily at the floor.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, and I blinked, surprised. "I was the one who… you know… told everyone." She flicked her eyes to my face, but I was smiling at her. "I… I was just so mad at you for hurting Jasper that I wanted you to hurt like him, too. I didn't know you… you were already hurting… and I'm really sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Of course I can," I whispered, enveloping her in a hug. She held on tightly for a long moment before releasing me, kissing my forehead brusquely.

"I love you, Alice," she admitted in a whisper, and I laughed, though it was choked.

"I love you, too, Rosalie."

They stayed for a while and we talked about nothing. Jasper rubbed my stomach often, but nobody said anything about it. However, after they left – Jasper excluded – Renée arrived with Carlisle in his doctor's uniform on her tail. Tears of humiliation welled up in my eyes as Jasper got up reluctantly and left my mother, Carlisle, and me alone. For a long time, they didn't say anything, and at last, I pressed my lips together and whispered, "Mom, I'm sorry." My voice broke.

"Alice, what the hell do you have to be sorry for?" she growled, sitting down beside my bed. She took one of my hands gently. "I can understand your aversion to… to telling me about this, but it was wrong for you to have kept this a secret for so long." Her voice became soft and gentle, her eyes welling with tears. "You don't deserve this, Alice. You're such a good girl. Bad things happen to good people." She reached out, stroking my cheek. "Alice… you don't have to keep this baby. You can get an abortion if you want."

"No," I replied firmly, jerking away from her hand. I was thankful Renée wasn't terribly angry, but I wasn't going to get an abortion. It went against every moral I'd ever had before. I was also sure that deep down inside I'd somehow managed to convince myself I deserved this.

"This isn't a punishment," she insisted. "You're in high school. You do not want to have a child right now."

"I'm not punishing myself, mom," I replied, smoothing my blanket over my knees with trembling hands. "I won't take a life. Maybe I would have before it had grown so much, but I can feel it now, mom." I met her eyes. They were glistening, and mine filled with tears. "You know what that feels like. You had Bella. Please don't make me do this. _Please_."

Renee had taken my hand as I spoke, and she gently pressed her lips to the back of my hand. "I wouldn't make you do anything, Alice," she said quietly, her eyes filling. "But you don't have to go through with this. You're a _junior_ in _high school_, honey. No one would ever think less of you if you did get an abortion."

I gave her a quizzical look. "But you always said abortion was wrong."

Her eyes met mine. "In this case, no. I don't think so."

My eyes filled up with tears. "I can't do it, Mom. I just can't."

For a few long moments, she stared at me. Then, she began to cry.

It started silently, just one tear leaking out of the corner of her left eye. Another followed from her right eye, until they were streaming down her cheeks. She let go of my hand to wipe her eyes, ducking her head so I wouldn't see. But the tears didn't stop. She pressed her face into her hands and wept, sobbing into her palms. I began crying, too, wrapping my arms around her. She returned the embrace, drawing me to her.

"I'm so sorry, Alice," she whispered against my hair, kissing the top of my head tenderly. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault, Mom," I replied, wiping my eyes before sitting back.

"We're going to get you some help," she said, brushing my hair away from my face. "She's not a psychologist or anything, but her husband is, so he'll sit in with you, but you can talk to her instead. She's been through this same thing, and she's a friend of Carlisle's."

I had totally forgotten that he was in the room. I looked over at him and smiled weakly as he stepped over to my other side. "We're going to get you better," he assured me, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze. "And the first thing we have to do is wheel you down to my obstetrician friend. He'll take good care of you."

For the first time in weeks… I felt hope.

* * *

I was discharged from the hospital after three days. Only two of my cuts had been deep and needed stitches – both on my left arm. The rest would heal, and scar, in good time.

The obstetrician said everything looked good – the baby was the right size, and was growing well. She didn't expect me to carry to a full term, because I was so tiny, but either way, she suspected that, if no complications arose, I would be delivering a beautiful baby girl in early spring.

The following Monday, I returned to school. Jasper, thankfully, picked me up. I was wearing a loose cotton long-sleeved shirt, jeans Renee had bought me, and ballet flats. I was sure I looked healthier than I had in a long time, even though my wrists were still wrapped up in bandages.

People began talking as Jasper walked into school, our fingers laced together. Someone, a sophomore girl, actually did stop him and asked if I was pregnant while I was at my locker. Like I couldn't hear her. He'd told them curtly that yes, I was, and that yes, he was the father.

We were at lunch when it happened.

"Woah, woah! Where are you goin' so fast!"

The voice I heard cut through the cafeteria like a knife. I went ramrod straight, my breath hitching.

"Alice? Are you okay?" Jasper asked, taking my hand.

My eyes landed on the entrance across the room, just as Jacob Black jogged in.

His eyes landed on me, and his grin turned malevolent.

I knocked my chair over as I ran from the lunch room.


End file.
